Porn is great. I fucking LOVE porn. It helps me orgasm easily when I’m on my own, it’s a fun thing to add in when being sexual with other people, and it gives me new ideas for positions or activities to try. But there’s no doubt that porn has its downsides. Yes, some people can get addicted to it, but I’m not going to cover that aspect of it. However, if you’re finding that your porn viewing is negatively affecting your life, then it’s time to get help. What I’m focusing on here is how porn often differs from reality. This isn’t all that big an issue for those of us who are sexually experienced and educated. But for the teens that grow up watching this stuff and never actually learn that this isn’t the way that sex usually is in real life, it can be a pretty huge issue. It can lead to them feeling dysfunctional, not being a good sexual partner, worrying that there are things wrong with their body or that their partner isn’t any good at sex. It can also create way too high expectations overall. So here are my thoughts on the differences between porn and reality.
The most obvious observation is that women in porn are incredibly sensitive to sexual stimulation. Just one touch sends them into moans, screams, body spasms and orgasm. Unfortunately, this isn’t how most women respond in real life. The average time it takes for a woman to reach orgasm with a partner is 20-30 minutes. This usually requires a variety of different fingering, oral and/or penetrative techniques. Only around 30% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. The vast majority need some form of clitoral stimulation in order to climax. Many women really struggle to be able to orgasm, especially with their partner, and oftentimes their orgasms aren’t all that ‘big’. The best thing you can do is to try not to make orgasm the goal of sex. Instead, make it your mission to figure out all the spots on one another’s bodies that can make you go wild. Play around with lots of different techniques, positions and sexual acts that you’re comfortable with. Never do anything you don’t want to do but push the boundaries that you’re comfortable with pushing. There’s also the issue that many women aren’t that vocal or active in bed as most porn stars. If you want your partner to be more vocal and take a more active role, then talk to them about it!
Another obvious feature is the way that porn stars look. Men are usually big and muscular with very large penises. The average penis size is about 5 to 5.5 inches long. Men comparing their penis size to the ones they see in porn only increases their chances of feeling insecure and self-conscious about their size. This can lead to sexual dysfunction and a dissatisfied sex life. Most women in porn are very thin, with big boobs and small inner labia. This not only creates a lot of insecurity and body confidence issues in women, but it also gives men who are interested in women unrealistic expectations. Humans come in a variety of shapes and sizes and all have their own unique beauty. So yes, most people need to be attracted to the person they’re being sexual with, but make sure you have realistic expectations and never ever make anyone feel bad or insecure about the way they look. One good thing about porn is the huge amount of variety out there. So try looking at different genres to get better ideas about what people tend to look like when they’re naked.
Porn stars engage in a huge variety of sexual acts. Many people in real life aren’t quite as sexually adventurous and aren’t okay with trying certain things. The pressure on women to have anal sex is steadily increasing. While it can be incredibly enjoyable, some women simply do not want to try it, have had bad experiences with it in the past or just don’t enjoy it at all. No one should ever be pressured into doing something they don’t want to do. So respect your partner’s boundaries and try to find compromises or other acts that you’re both happy to engage in. Another really popular thing in porn is BDSM. However, many people don’t realize just how complicated this type of play can be and how much there is to learn, especially with regards to safety before trying it. If it’s something that interests you, take the time to educate yourself about proper techniques and safety precautions before giving it a go.
Condoms are rarely used in porn. In real life, you need to glove up unless you’ve both been recently tested (and have clean bills of health), are monogamous (or at least are being extra cautious with outside partners) and are on at least some form/method of birth control (unless you’re looking to have kids). If not, you’re putting you and your partner at risk.
Porn doesn’t show the “behind the scenes” stuff. There’s a lot of awkwardness/silliness that can happen during sex. Rarely do you see them grab some lube for when the girl isn’t getting wet enough on her own. You also don’t see just how much lube is needed to have enjoyable anal sex. It’s unbelievably common for men to have issues with getting/staying hard, but rarely, if ever, will you see that in porn. Same with rapid ejaculation or even not being able to reach orgasm at all. Especially in heterosexual relationships, many women are given the impression that it should be easy for men to reach orgasm and can get really upset if it doesn’t happen. It’s really important to understand the sexual response of the people you’re sexual with! You also never see porn stars having to deal with what happens to the semen after the guy has cum. Whether he ejaculates in the vagina or ass or onto their partner’s body, it needs to be cleaned up somehow! You’ll never see them grabbing the baby wipes or towels, or running to the bathroom to avoid making a mess. Different noises and movements happen, uncontrollable facial expressions occur, the penis slips out of the vagina or ass, and other unintentional things will happen. It’s all just a part of sex.
Sex is all about having fun, feeling great, and not taking things too seriously. Communicate with your partner about your expectations and help one another out so that you can make sex as fantastic as possible. You just need to keep everything in perspective and have a good idea of the differences between porn and reality.